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When the British-American documentary film producer, Theroux, flew into Lagos from the US in 2010, looking for the hotbed of gangsterism in Nigeria, Oshodi stood naked in the sun. Theroux’ choice of Oshodi as the General Headquarters (GHQ) of disorder wasn’t a product of fate, fancy or accident. His choice was informed by the crippling […]
Continue ReadingThey wear the nation’s green-white-green flag as uniform. They have their own army, arms and ammunition. Their constitution is superior to the laws of the land. They’re state-backed bandits. They’re a clan of killers. They’re the National Union of Road Transport Workers. Though Lagos is the centripetal force in this discourse, it’s no breaking news […]
Continue ReadingIn a jaw-dropping revelation, Ade Lawyer, the self-confessed hired killer, accentuated how subsequent Lagos State governments of Tinubu, Babatunde Fashola, and Akinwunmi Ambode, had indirectly made life unsafe, cheap and nasty through the abetment of NURTW activities in the state. In a front-page story, “Confession Of An Alleged Assassin: How I Killed People For Money – […]
Continue ReadingDear god of Lagos, I had vowed not to write about your presidential ambition yet. I was waiting for the time your protegee, Yemi Osinbajo, a pastor in the lush pasture of politics, would confirm his rife presidential ambition. Honestly, I had patiently waited and hoped to show why both the lion and the lamb […]
Continue ReadingThe pride of lions lounge under the baobab. Some look at the sky belly-up in gratitude to nature. Some crouch on their warm, filled bellies, swishing their tails to the music of the wind and the shine of the sun. Like fleeting ghosts, three monkeys, from nowhere, suddenly descended on the pride; giving a knock […]
Continue ReadingSince the sun of social media appeared in cyberspace during the second half of the 1990s, it hasn’t ceased to blaze the dark closets of myths and tradition, exposing their cobwebs, warts and all. And humanity is excited. At last, an answer has come to the bi-directional communication telephony of the era, welcoming the world […]
Continue ReadingOnly three reasons could make me follow Nigeria’s President, Major General Muhammadu Buhari (retd.), and his former victim, Chief Adebisi Abdulkareem Akande, into the jungle; not the President’s false claims on security, not the news that 3,125 persons were killed and 2,703 others were abducted in the North alone, in the last 11 months. As […]
Continue ReadingGoliath and Chief of Defence Staff, General Lucky Irabor, is the highest-ranking military officer in the Nigerian Armed Forces. His duties include formulating operational policies and programmes for the Army, Navy and Air Force with a view to attaining national security. The Defender of the Nigerian Universe, General Irabor, has able lieutenants in the Chief […]
Continue ReadingWhen the blindfolded head drops on the hard floor, kpi!, like the back-kick of an angry horse, please, know that not all guillotined heads are guilty. That is why the Yoruba say, “Ori yeye ni Imogun, t’aise lo po.” Imogun is the Yoruba Golgotha; the place of skulls, where many innocent heads have rolled down the pit of […]
Continue ReadingFor a breath of fresh air and to maintain my sanity, I’ll desist from talking about the retired General Muhammadu Buhari in this article. Also, I’ll resist talking about murderous Boko Haram, terrorist Fulani herdsmen, nationwide bandits, humongous corruption and bleeding nepotism which the Buhari regime will bequeath to the incoming Presidency in 2023, if […]
Continue ReadingThe suya burnt his palms, but he was stoic, like a true Christian. Initially, he tossed the hot suya from palm to palm ping-pong, then flung open the Holy Bible with his left hand, and ripped off pages from the New Testament, placing the hot suya on the word of Christ. Calm embalms his palms. […]
Continue ReadingWith a tongue roughly twice the length of its body, and a brocade of dubious colours for skin, the chameleon is the ultimate invisible animal predator. Without premonition, small creatures like worms and insects searching for daily bread disappear suddenly into the Bermuda Triangle in the belly of the dodgy chameleon via a sticky, snappy […]
Continue ReadingLacking the speed of the cheetah, the strength of the bull and the ferocity of the tiger, the chameleon, with its camouflage of many colours, tip-toes daily in cautious slow-motion, living on the wisdom of adaptive wits. Appearing unconcerned, unpurposed and uninterested, the chief of stealth and the lord of disguise, the chameleon, is the […]
Continue ReadingAny day, a cow in a china shop is a recipe for disaster. Anyway, it’s also a metaphor for Nigeria. Anywhere, a cow never frolics in a china shop, except in a great-little country like ours, Nigeria, where it lounges in a china shop; lolling its big horns, swaying its brisk tail and clattering its […]
Continue ReadingIn between 2015 and 2021 are the years of the locust when hope was on his shoulder, law wisdom in his cerebrum, gospel on his lips but Nigeria’s Vice President, Yemi Osinbajo, law professor, politician, and pastor, crash-landed like Humpty Dumpty under the weight of lawlessness. I sincerely sympathise with the General Overseer, The Redeemed […]
Continue ReadingThe name, Eve, is not a derivative of the word, evil, though both sound alliteratively similar. It’s a name native to Hebrew, adopted by Latin as Eva, and accommodated by English as Eve. In Hebrew, Eve means living. But religious male chauvinists are wont to disagree with this meaning and insist that Eve means the […]
Continue ReadingSubhanallah, alhamdulillah, astaghfirullah, la ilaha illa Allah! This is my most favourite Islamic chant. I love its rhythm, rhyme and reason. It means, “God is perfect, praise be to Allah, I seek forgiveness from Allah, there’s no other god, except Allah!” Of the 12 Islamic months in the Hijri calendar, Ramadan, the ninth month, is […]
Continue ReadingAs a herdsman, ‘yowwa’ is the likeliest gratifying word to escape from the tight-lipped Nigerian President and Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces, Major General Muhammadu Buhari (retd.), if his cows nuzzle their muzzles against him as they eat hay from his outstretched hands during a random visit to his herd. And as a devout Muslim, […]
Continue ReadingI laughed upon remembering Chief Zebrudaya Okoroigwe Nwogbo alias 4:30, and a proverb came to mind: “If death are strike dead the slow-motion chameleon with reckless abandon, why shall it not quench the jumpy-jumpy frog with instant automatic alacrity? Tell me!” Chief Zebrudaya, the patriarch of Nigeria’s funniest English sitcom, New Masquerade, didn’t vocalise the […]
Continue ReadingDear Hajiya, With gratitude to God for a vacation well spent, I, Babatunde Odesola, Esq., heartily rejoice on the safe return of the First Lady, Hajiya Aisha Buhari, to Nigeria after spending 4,380 hours in the cozy United Arab Emirates city called Dubai, away from the kisses and cuddles of her aged husband, Major General […]
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