As much as sex is a basic instinct and an inbuilt phenomenon of the spirit, soul and body, it has been observed that many couples do not know where it all begins from. The lack of this knowledge has made many couples to believe that sex cannot be very sweet, fantastic and pleasurable with just only one partner. Some spouses are looking for sexual pleasure and satisfaction in some other people [apart from their partner] as regards shape, colour, look or smell than their partner. But the real truth of the matter here is that sex with any person, with fantastic shape, smell, look, size or colour starts from the same biological or animalistic location of the participant; it begins from the same physiological spot in the body all the time.
One, the actual difference which many people are ignorant of is the root of the immediate trigger; this means that the trigger point or the arousal point, or the desire point is always the level of the transformations or changes.
Two, so, let’s see where sex starts from. Where does sex start from, the brain, the mind or the eyes?
Three, human brain is a very complex structure that controls the glands that produce sex hormones. The human brain is intricately linked to our sexuality. The brain cells are not made from one single component and are not isolated from the rest of the body, but the major action of the brain is to diffuse neurotransmitters, an important element for the human sexuality.
Four, the centre of a human brain manages the ‘instinctive’ reactions of the sexuality: this centre receives information from its surroundings, [ which most times are from our triggers, tastes, preferences and stimulants] from the entire body [ when we are being touched, caroused, stroke and fondled] and, according to the situation, [ which is either we are horny, aglow, or stimulated beyond a point which we can’t resist and all we just wanted is either penetrative sex causes instinctive reactions to receive or reject sexual desire.
Five, when a spouse’s body receives information coming from his or her partner, this information is sent to the ‘instinct’ part of the brains. The instinct asks the ‘emotion’ what it thinks.
Six, emotion then checks its memory whether events linked to the situation are good or bad experiences. At the same time, ‘logic’ analyses the feasibility of action in terms of social norms, moral principles, hurt or rejection level and stress level.
Seven, if the answers come back positive, ‘instinct’ can trigger hormonal secretions that control the suitable sexual response. When ‘instinct’ receives authorisation to react, it also triggers the release of several hormones such as neurohormonal and neurotransmitter products.
Eight, these products stimulate both ‘emotion’ (giving the desire for pleasure) and ‘logic’ (arousing the production of fantasies and happy marital union). This same hormone also triggers a weakening of all inhibitive elements that could obstruct action (at this stage, many couples forget their fears and dare to do what they wouldn’t normally do as regards sexual fantasies).
Nine, the presence of a desire for one’s spouse sets off hormonal triggers repeatedly again and again but with constant repetition, the glands reduce secretions which most times leads to less arousal, less excitement and by this stage, the habitual presence of one’s spouse becomes increasingly weaker.
Ten, at this stage, a partner reaches a state of low sexual arousal as an effect of daily routine. However, routine sex is inevitable in a marriage relationship, what a couple should do is to make an effort to renew arousal by getting ‘emotion’ back into play. Couples need to know how to invent new situations for arousal to keep the flame aglow. This is because on average, a woman thinks about sex five times per day while men think about sex 13 times per day.
Eleven, one of the secrets to a lasting and mutually fulfilled sexual relationship is the shared pleasure the brain triggers in a couple’s sexual experiences.
Twelve, moreover, since sexual arousal begins in the brain and is visible on the various parts of the erogenous zones, married couples can enjoy sensual stimulation by understanding these erogenous zones.
Thirteen, the erogenous zones are the parts of the body that are particularly sensitive to touch. This is because they have many more sensory nerve endings. Stimulating these parts of the body, when there is mutual attraction, usually results in the brain sending strong sensations and sexual excitement moods.
Fourteen, the entire surface of the skin is exogenously sensitive, but some parts of the body have heightened sensitivity. From the head downwards, these are the lips, ear lobes, the nape of the neck, the armpits, the breasts, the hands, the stomach, the buttocks, the genitals, the inner thighs, the back of the knees and the feet.
Fifteen, not all erogenous zones respond the same way. Although many of the zones may be the same, they do vary from individual to individual. Therefore, it is important to know and study one’s spouse’s erogenous zones.
Sixteen, ask them what they like and remember that the way a partner caresses is as important as the caress itself. In addition, do not forget that you can use your fingers, mouth, or any other part of your body to caress and stimulate your spouse’s erogenous zones.
Seventeen, majority of husbands enjoy having their nipples stimulated, since both men and women have nipples. These nipples are very sensitive to touch and become hard when stimulated. However, while most women enjoy having their nipples stimulated, not all men do. However, it could be that some men simply have not tried it, and so they do not know what they are missing.
Eighteen, to discover this, wife, try sucking your partner’s nipples, nibbling or stroking them. He is sure to tell you what he thinks.
Nineteen, the interconnectivity of the brain and the rest of the body makes it necessary that the male and female body need to be prepared for sexual intercourse before vaginal penetration. Foreplay, which is clearly a source of pleasure, actually helps to prepare the body for the subsequent stages of sexual response.
Twenty, touching and caressing your partner’s body triggers a number of active brain cell and physiological reactions: heart rate and breathing increase and the genitals become engorged with blood.
Twenty-one, without foreplay and arousal, there will be no signal from the brain; there will be no erection, no vaginal lubrication and certainly, no orgasm! However, remember: everyone is different; some people take longer than others to become aroused while others may have very specific preferences. In spite of all these, some spouses still fail to become aroused during foreplay.
Twenty-two, the act of touching someone does not automatically lead to sexual arousal as the person being touched has to be receptive. First of all, he or she needs to feel comfortable with his or her spouse. Sometimes many couples are advised to engage in sensual telephone conversation.
Twenty-three, they are advised to say sexual, sensual and erotic things to their spouse on the phone; this does not only help some couples who find it very difficult to communicate, it also helps to break the hindrances of shyness and lack of boldness and help them make foreplay become verbal, visual and easily acceptable.
Twenty-four, the caution here is do not say what you can’t see happen. During telephone foreplay, say what you wish to happen but find it very difficult to pass across. Say what you are anticipating. While you are talking, please let your voice be very low, with a slow peach, sexy, carnal and literally caressing as if your finger is actually on the skin of your partner.
Twenty-five, so, sexual satisfaction is not 100 per cent because of look, shape; it is actually a high percentage of where it starts from.
Twenty-six, one thing that is very obvious about life is that it is not static. Everything in life appreciates and information increases. It has been discovered that some sexual information from sexual researchers especially in the patterns of men’s and women’s sex drive vary. Couples should bear in mind that individuals may vary from these norms.
Twenty-six, according to the National Opinion Research Centre, the average couple reports having sex 66 times a year. Couples under age 30 say they have sex an average of 109 times a year.
Twenty-seven, the average number drops to 70 times per year for 40-somethings and 52 times a year for couples in their 50s.
Experts say men’s and women’s sex drives differ; they say women’s sexual inclinations are more complicated than men are. While men may be rigid and specific about what they become aroused by, women have less-directed sex drives.
Twenty-nine, researchers say women are more likely to be more influenced by lots of irrelevant things and factors. Sexual desire in women is extremely sensitive to environment and context.
Thirty, experts say men score higher in libido, while women’s sex drive is more about intimacy.
Credit: Funmi Akingbade, Punch