Here’s the good news: You don’t have to stop being a nice person. Instead, here’s how to strike a balance between helping others and finding time to take care of priority No. 1 (that’s you):
- Before saying yes, ask yourself some questions. When a friend asks for help or a favor, Newman suggests checking in with yourself with these questions: Why am I agreeing to this? What do I have to give up in order to please the person who is asking? Am I going to feel resentful of myself or the other person if I say yes? And lastly, is my relationship with the person who is asking me for help starting to feel unbalanced, rather than give and take?
- Remind yourself that people won’t fall apart if you say no. “Everybody is used to hearing no,” says Pagoto. “We think we’re going to devastate them with our no and have so much anxiety about a person’s response, but no one is going to be that upset. They may be disappointed, but in an hour they’ll be over it.” Simply turn them down in a nice way, such as, “I’d love to help but I can’t.” “You don’t have to justify it or make a strong case for your no,” adds Pagoto.
- Practice saying no — and stick with it. “If someone knows you’re a people pleaser, they won’t take your first no,” says Pagoto. “That can be where the negotiation begins. The person can come back with another request, not hearing your no. You may feel the desire to cave. You have to stand by your no.”
- Be a good role model of self-care. Since people pleasers are motivated by the reward of helping others, think of taking good care of yourself as setting a healthy example for your family. “If you’re crashing every day from exhaustion and are unhappy and stressed out, your kids see that and that’s how they learn,” says Pagoto. “Think about how do you model living a balanced life?”
- Take care of yourself first — so you can help take care of others. Remind yourself that getting a good night’s sleep and fitting in time to exercise, even if it’s just taking a 20-minute walk, aren’t luxuries, but actually necessities that keep you going. “By taking care of yourself, you’ll be strong, more equipped, and have more energy to care for others,” says Pagoto. (Credit: Yahoo News)