When a lady wrote me some time back, she narrated her experiences at the hands of an in-law thus, “I joined this family a little over 16 years ago and nothing seems to be out of place in her character. Then, I was freshly out of an abusive marriage with a toddler in tow but I found love in the arms of her brother. There was nobody and nowhere this lady didn’t take my story (of being married before and being undeserving of her brother) to.
“What type of embarrassment did I not receive from her? From calling me names on the streets, shutting the door in my face (each time I visited the family) to working so hard to turn the rest of the family against me. What was my offence? That I dared pick up my shattered pieces to face life again. Today, my marriage is 16 years and counting with four amazing children. My mother-in-law calls me the daughter that God used to do “jara”(bonus) for her. My husband would often look at me and wondered how life would have turned out for him without the family we raised.”
She also implied that nothing about the sister in-law seems to have changed, even after all these years. It’s a mystery how little (even) a very long time changes some people! I have come to realise that having a big heart also determines how far we go in life. Yet, it’s a reality, which backlash we take for granted. Women often fall victims to that repercussion due to our predisposition to pettiness and jealousy towards our own.
Two principles cut it for me as far as making progress in life goes. The first is that people who do not know how to let others be, rarely make much headway in their own lives.
Every day of our lives is like a coupon which if not redeemed when you are supposed to, becomes invalid. The energy and TIME the sister in-law used in making her miserable could have turned her own life around for good, if only it was channeled appropriately.
You will get NOWHERE making the life of someone else your business, because they are living their lives but you are NOT living yours. And life is not going to give you extra time to adjust and catch up.
Life will simply whip you into line whenever you know better but if you have wasted half of your life prior, it is on you. Life is not going to turn back the hand of the clock because of you.
The second principle is this, the lady (who was mocked) surpassed expectations, owing to one factor. She FOCUSED on rebuilding her life. And NOT proving anything to perceived detractors. Life does not interfere with how you make your bed!
Many people who have felt the heat of naysayers often fight back by living to prove a point to their detractors, imagined and real. When what fuels your drive in life is proving a point to anybody, you have lost it. Because then, your life becomes all about “them” i.e. living appearances and not authenticity. That’s a cancer of the soul and the kind of power that nobody should have over you! Focus more on nurturing your inner world.
Finally, it’s becoming inherent in some of us to analyse, “why it should be so” once life smiles on someone. But DESTINY IS WHAT IT IS and it does not seek permission from the past, circumstances or even naysayers and detractors to carry out its assignment.
Life will always disappoint those with a sense of entitlement. Sometimes, it’s not how far you have gone but HOW WELL you have been going the moment your morning began!
Credit: Chukwuneta Oby, Punch